The boss from hell: quick to criticize, slow to praise

So you have a boss who snaps at you the moment things go wrong, but never seems to notice when things go right. Oh.

Jamie is a hard-working manager, cheerful and full of ideas. He leads two high-performance teams that support each other very well. So why does Jamie come to work with a stomach ache every day? Why does his staff often feel paralyzed? It’s because Jamie’s boss, Vice President of Client Services, finds fault with Jamie and his team members every day. He seems to go out of the way to criticize him. When the vice president is away, the group runs like a well-oiled machine. When he is there, they gossip, avoid difficult problems, and try to make themselves invisible.

As a defensive strategy, Jamie visits his boss every morning to gauge his mood and avoid blow-ups. She tells him the first thing she and her team accomplished the day before, what problems they’re facing, and how they’re handling them. Sometimes the strategy works, sometimes it doesn’t, and the explosions come anyway. Constant stomachache is the price Jamie pays for trying to figure out how to please this overly critical boss.

Most of us can get a little criticism from our bosses from time to time when we make a mistake or don’t do something right. However, it can be terribly demotivating when it seems to be the only kind of feedback we get and we don’t get recognition for our positive contributions.

Chances are your boss isn’t intentionally trying to demotivate you. It is doubtful that he has any master plan to make your life miserable. Chances are you’ve fallen into the all too common management trap of looking for things that are wrong rather than things that are right. Of course, this particular behavior is not exclusive to managers. Many parents, coaches, and teammates (perhaps even you and I) fall into this trap.

If you have to deal with overly critical behavior, there is a technique worth trying. The next time your boss criticizes you, follow this three-step process:

1. Apologize

2. Let your boss know that you will correct the problem

3. End with a comment that gently reminds her that, from time to time, you do things right. For example:

“Wow, and I thought you’d come by and tell me what a great job I did on that last project.” Say it with a smile, then get on with the job of fixing his mistake.

It may take a few repetitions, but your boss should eventually get the message that you’d like some positive encouragement.

Now, here’s the part for the really brave and truthful among you. In fact, you can tell your boss what you want. If you don’t say anything, don’t expect your boss to read your mind, or that he realizes how constant criticism affects you. Say something like:

“I appreciate feedback. It helps me improve. In addition to criticism, I also appreciate hearing what I’m doing well. It helps me know what I should keep doing.”

While you can’t control how your boss talks to you, you can control the quality of your own communication and how you respond. Good luck.