Living together 24/7 in an RV: how do you do it?
Do you think you and your spouse or partner can live together 24/7 in 240 square feet of space, give or take? Put that way, it sounds daunting, but thousands do it happily in an RV or RV!
When you consider that, for many of these couples, one or both have been working and out of the house for years until just before they set off together in their RV, that means two adjustments. Not only do they adapt to living in a small space, but they also adapt to living together constantly. Either one can be a great fit. Adjusting to both together can strain the relationship. A little knowledge and planning can ease the way to all this togetherness.
Starting
At first, it may seem like you’re on vacation. And you. That is familiar and has past behavior to fall back on. As the days go by, it can feel like there’s too much togetherness. How do you deal with it? Here are some suggestions from other RVers. By the way, most notice two things:
- You and your spouse must like each other.
- Both you and your spouse must want to live this lifestyle, if only for a certain period of time.
If you have those two things going for you, the rest can be worked out.
Ten Techniques You Can Use
1. Own space: Have your own space, no matter how small. You can stake out a certain place to sit in the evenings or a place to work on crafts or hobbies. Claim a cabinet or bin underneath for the things you love to do: reading, carving, beading, knitting. Don’t go into your spouse’s closet without permission. George and I have our computer and work places to remember not to interrupt each other without asking permission. Even though we are only a few feet apart, we have a sense of separation.
2. A retreat: The bedroom or perhaps a corner can be a “refuge” for those who need a little “space”. If one of you goes to the bedroom, he can say something to the other, or the other must ask permission to enter. However, using the bedroom as personal space should not interfere with each other’s bedtime.
3. Different bedtimes: It is possible that one of the spouses already stays up a little later or wakes up earlier. This gives the other a little “alone” time.
4. Save Marriage: Anyone who watches television alone must use headphones. Listening to music should be the same unless both people want to listen. The fact that one of the two has headphones gives both of them a sense of privacy. I call the headphones “marriage saviors!”
5. Solo activities: Do some activities on your own. You may be traveling in tight spaces, but that doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hips and do everything together. Walking, cycling, dog walking, shopping, platform maintenance can be done by yourself. I enjoy plays and George doesn’t. If there is a local theater production, I will attend alone.
6. “Jaime’s Day”: Substitute your name for Jaimie and head out for the day on your own. I learned this from Kay Peterson, one of the founders of the Escapees RV Club. When she felt that she needed some space, she would tell her husband that she needed a “Kay day.” I could go to the library or walk through a mall, something on her own. She didn’t need to involve spending money, just spending time away. Invariably these days were refreshing and she had things to share with her husband.
7. Participate: If you’re staying at an RV park or resort, check to see if there are any park or community activities that might interest you. Invite your neighbors to sit down with a cup of coffee or a drink and snack in the afternoon. If you’re going to be there for several days, you can set up a meeting to work on a hobby like writing, beading, or quilting. Men can meet other men by lifting the hood of their truck or motorhome!
8. Find friends: Join an VR club or interest group within it so you can have single friends and couples who are friends. Working or volunteering on the road can give you time to do your thing as well as the opportunity to interact with other people.
9. Acknowledge stress: Recognize when you feel stressed about traveling. Packing and changing locations every day can be stressful. Schedule a few days to laze around and to kick back and relax.
10. Communication skills: Improve your communication skills. Here are two techniques. One is to argue by numbers. When you have a difference of opinion, please indicate how important it is on a scale of one to ten. Often an item is very important to one and not so important to the other, so you make the decision. If they both have it ranked high, then they must negotiate. but many decisions cease to be problems. The other is to designate one day a week to discuss, say Tuesday. And you can’t write it! On Tuesday you can comment on any of the week’s topics that you still remember!
Most of the couples we spoke to are closer to each other and best friends having decided to travel together in a motorhome. However, you can end the marriage. Either that, or the couple goes off the road and returns to a more conventional lifestyle where they have more physical space and their own activities. One can even get a job to get away from their spouse.
By respecting each other and acknowledging your partner’s and your own need for physical and psychological personal space from time to time, you can create an even better relationship and enjoy this lifestyle. Keep in mind that your partner may need more or less space than you. Everyone must take responsibility for themselves and find ways to satisfy this need. And remember not to take your partner’s genuine need as a personal affront to you or your relationship.