Healing From Narcissistic Abuse: What You Know Intellectually Is Not What You Feel Emotionally

Healing from narcissistic abuse

What you know intellectually is not what you feel emotionally

Written by Randi Fine, Narcissistic Abuse Expert

Narcissistic Abuse Awareness and Guidance with Randi Fine

Are you frustrated with the healing process from narcissistic abuse because what you know intellectually is not what you feel emotionally?

You have probably already read and heard everything you could find about narcissistic abuse. You consider yourself fully educated in all things NPD. You still feel frustrated because you can’t seem to get rid of the pain you feel.

Believing, with all he’s learned, that he should be feeling better by now, he’s become impatient with himself. It doesn’t make sense to you that no matter how hard you try, you can’t seem to unite the intellectual and the emotional and you can’t stop the suffering.

There are ten general steps to healing from narcissistic abuse:

1. Acknowledging that you have in fact been abused.

2. Gain a full understanding of the tactics that have been used to confuse, manipulate, and control you.

3. Learn to set healthy emotional boundaries with your abuser and in every area of ​​your life.

4. Accept that everything you experienced, no matter the details, can be summed up under the umbrella of narcissistic abuse. Letting go of the meaningless details that keep you stuck in a loop of confusion.

5. Lamenting the loss of the love you thought you had and the future you had imagined for yourself.

6. Learn to love and accept every aspect of yourself.

7. Becoming fiercely protective of oneself against all toxic influences, regardless of the nature of the relationship.

8. Decide how to proceed with the relationship you have with your abuser; contact, limited contact or no contact.

9. Reclaiming your personal power

10. Rebuilding your new life completely on your own terms

Still under the insidious spell of behavioral, emotional, and psychological programming, it is impossible for a survivor to achieve the full healing process on their own. This is why the validation, support and guidance provided by a qualified mental health professional is invaluable.

The most popular approach used by mental health doctors today is cognitive behavioral therapy. There is aspects of cognitive-behavioral therapy that are very beneficial to the narcissistic abuse recovery process, but should not be the first or only approach used, as it may not reveal or address the core problem; narcissistic victim syndrome.

It is imperative to pre-qualify any mental health professional whose guidance you wish to seek, prior to beginning treatment. Look for professionals who specialize in NPD abuse, not just those with degrees or licenses. Make sure the person is trained to recognize narcissistic abuse or has experience with narcissistic abuse syndrome. If not, you are wasting your time and money, and your problem is likely to get worse.

Personal or professional references are best, but you can also search online. Telephone consultations are the best way to assess someone if you are not familiar with the person’s experience. Most mental health professionals do not charge for these exams.

Mental health professionals include:

• Psychologists/Psychotherapists

• Psychiatrists (the only ones who can prescribe medication)

• Licensed Social Workers

• mental health counselors

• life coaches

• hypnotherapists

A good mental health professional can help:

• Solve your confused thoughts and feelings

• reinforce the truth

• Separate reality from fantasy, truth from lies.

• Affirm that you are not the problem

• Validate your experiences and feelings

• Stay focused in the direction of healing.

• Avoid falling into manipulative traps

• build your self esteem

• Develop and reinforce your healthy boundary system

• Make decisions about how to proceed with your relationship.

• monitor your progress

• Evaluate your decisions

• It makes you feel better and empowers you.

• Suggest ways to stay safe in your relationship or leaving it.

• Being there when you need someone to listen and understand you

Stop seeing any mental health professional who:

• Promote the repair or reunification of your relationship with your abuser

• It makes you feel guilty or responsible for what has happened to you.

• Shame or blame you

• You talk about your symptoms but haven’t gotten to your core problem

• invalidate your experience

• judge you

• Gets frustrated with his lack of progress

• sides with her abuser

By working with the right doctor on a weekly basis, you should experience some relief within a month or two. If you don’t feel like the person you’re seeing is the right one for you or if you’re not making progress, stop seeing them. But please don’t abandon the process. Just find someone who is better equipped to help you.

Be sure to watch the process through to the end. Continue to work with your counselor, coach, or therapist until you feel strong and stable enough to manage on your own.

You have suffered enough. Now is the time to heal.