Forgive, forget or revenge? How modern men deal with infidelity and sexually independent women
The ad shakes him to the core:
“Where have you been?” he whispers, as his wife walks in the door at 4 am.
“Well, if you must know, I just had a night of wild sex!” she casually yawns as she heads for the shower. Or maybe there hasn’t been an honest admission, but she somehow found out the truth anyway:
She’s seeing someone else, and he’s…he’s devastated!
Yes, of the many challenges facing modern men in the 21st century, none is greater than learning to overcome the sense of betrayal a man can feel when his wife or girlfriend has sex with another man or men.
The old standard of monogamy, by and large, has been trampled on and replaced with a series of open relationships that favor a woman’s right to explore the world of her choosing. Where once a man would have a wife and family while he maintained a mistress, or even worse forms of duplicity, today it is women who are venturing out and seeking exciting, even exotic relationships beyond their monogamous vows.
There has been a huge sea change in the way that men and women form and operate relationships. It is not unusual now for a woman to have multiple lovers outside of her marriage, while the man stays home to keep house and await the return of his wife or girlfriend. These ‘female-led relationships’ are popping up more frequently, and I think it’s a healthy trend that’s here to stay. However, of the many men who have contacted me to offer their support for my program, the vast majority have stated that the greatest difficulty they had in adjusting to the decisions their wives were making was getting used to the idea and, of course, Eliminate the feeling of being betrayed.
Betrayal, as any student of history can attest, litters our historical landscape with examples of just how destructive its power can be. One of the earliest stories of betrayal to be found in literature, Aeschylus of Orestan’s trilogy depicts the effects that betrayal had on the House of Agamemnon, with the death of all principles a direct result of betrayal after betrayal. Shakespeare used the motif in many of his plays, and until recently the act of treachery was commonly understood as unforgivable and could legally be the justification for many acts of revenge, including murder.
Fortunately, we live in a time when all the old standards have been scrapped and are being reexamined and redefined. Where once the idea of betrayal meant the clear end of any relationship, today things are not so set or set in stone that they cannot be unfrozen, even renegotiated, to the mutual benefit of all parties. Yes, the loss of trust can be repaired with the right amount of energy and action. Many men easily adapt to their wives’ or girlfriends’ desires for multiple partners of their choosing, and report that their relationships are strong, vibrant, and enjoyable.
Yet as a specialist in heterosexual relationships, time and time again I come across men who seem to be stuck in the past, men who can’t get over the fact that their women want more than they can give them and, as a result, feel that they have been betrayed. I have great sympathy for these men, having walked that path myself as a young man, but now I take a strong, almost strict approach to dealing with their misery. This approach is the best and most direct method for a man dealing with the modern woman’s need for independence and freedom of choice.
But it is important that we recognize the degree of suffering that these ‘men of old’ are experiencing. Often when speaking to a man who states that he has recently been betrayed and is clearly still emotionally disturbed, I go straight to his symptoms, before moving on to helpful advice. It is critical that men are allowed to experience their feelings, right or wrong, to realize and then release them, if they are to heal and become Good Partners for the women in their lives.
A typical session, after listening to him babble the situation, might go something like this:
“Alright, Pansy, time to face the Truth:
Your wife is fucking another man, or men; she is unfaithful to you, she has betrayed you, she has given herself body, mind and soul to another man and you are suffering the most intense emotions of your life. The pain is suffocating, you feel lost, weak, insecure, everything is poisoned; you cannot understand, much less believe what is happening; nothing makes sense, and nothing takes away the pain; there are no words of immediate comfort, and there are no instant solutions.”
This statement often leads the weakling suffering before me to break down, but I am compassionate and know that it must go further. Here are a series of questions:
“When you first found out about him, did you do everything in your power to find out every detail about his ‘activities’? to know everything about what’s going on?”
Usually the man will agree and then I’ll add, “You’re torturing yourself, aren’t you?”
This can lead to the man suddenly standing up and yelling incoherently, with tears streaming down his face, “The bitch tricked me!” before picking him up and sitting him down.
“Are you sure you are the victim? You are angry and outraged, you have made everyone in your life realize how badly they have betrayed you and how much it hurts you, you yearn for revenge, right?”
“Yes, yes, I do,” he says, before he responds, “You feel sorry for yourself, and pity only makes you weak. You know the old Chinese proverb: ‘If you’re going to seek revenge, dig two graves,’ because the Revenge is always just as destructive to you, the revenge seeker, as it is to her, who’s just doing all the things she’s been denied for so long.”
He soon accepts that his anger and feelings of revenge are displaced and is ready for more uplifting action. Sometimes, though, I find men who take a different tack, men who, after finding out they’ve been betrayed, say nothing to anyone, ashamed of themselves and of her and determined to keep it a secret until the day they die. death. They often withdraw from the world completely and stop doing everything they’ve been doing with no idea what to do next, everything that once gave them pleasure now only makes them sick. Very often, when a man feels betrayed, he cannot eat, sleep, or even communicate what is going on inside him, and can only isolate himself from the world, with suicidal thoughts tormenting him.
Other men report only intense feelings of suspicion, consumed by finding out why it happened, constantly analyzing and remembering everything that happened, and then the endless questions: ‘Why did this happen to me? Why did he do this to me? Why didn’t I see this coming, why didn’t she tell me, why can’t I stop her why, why can’t I stop suffering, why doesn’t this end?
These men enter a spiraling kaleidoscope of irrational confusion, fueled by their need to know every detail of their wife or girlfriend’s lewd activities until they collapse from exhaustion. It is often in this state that I find men who admit to me that they feel like they are the only person who has ever experienced this. I often hear: “I just can’t find anyone to talk to, and besides, no one cares, even if they would agree to talk to me.”
Intellectually, these men can understand what has happened and why, but emotionally, they are far behind. What’s worse is the fact that many women, seeing their men struggling to come to terms with what has happened, are simply not sensitive to their partner’s suffering and demand that he come out of his depression immediately or they will be gone shortly, and very often they do.
In this mixture of emotions and extreme reasons arises what I believe is the solution to this volatile and explosive mixture that destroys the modern man: learning to elevate the woman while subservient to oneself.
There really can be no other path for a man seeking harmonious relationships with the Independent Woman of Today. He must reshape his needs, desires, and expectations to fit those of the women in his life; he must learn to see women as naturally superior to him and all men; he must learn the joys of turning his every waking moment into pleasing the Woman of Today, and he must—and can—learn to enjoy this change in lifestyle.
By doing so, you will begin to experience the feeling of joy and freedom of being responsible for the things you don’t do right and shouldn’t do at all. By releasing control of the relationship and turning it over to the women in his life, the Man of Today can experience the unlimited pride and sense of fulfillment that he can gain by learning to assist and accompany the Active, Dynamic and Goal-Oriented Woman of Today. .
For some men, change happens almost overnight, but for most men, it takes a lot of work to defuse years of selfish instinct and habit, along with the implicit messages received from the old media with its archetypes. unenlightened masculine.
In my work, I am determined to lead men out of our present Dark Age of Male Domination and into a world where women take the lead in all things, unless otherwise agreed. It is time for women to be allowed to come forward and take their natural positions as relationship, home and community leaders and my work is dedicated to seeing that happen in my life!
The changes I regularly see in men who undertake my program are encouraging, but there is much more work to be done. Join me!
R. Milton Quibner is one of the World’s Leading Heterosexual Relationship Specialists (HE.RS). Quibner has explored the works of the Western Antiquity when developing his software, and with tips from modern authors, along with references to products designed to help any relationship, R. Milton Quibner stands alone in his field.