Why can’t I forget my ex-wife? Help moving on after divorce
It’s 3 am Silence echoes inside the empty house. You know you won’t meet tomorrow’s deadline for that project at work, but you don’t care. All this seems so trivial. It’s been like this for a year now. A veil has been covering your perception, your goals and your aspirations. Just this phrase keeps repeating itself inside your mind: “Why can’t I forget my ex-wife?” You keep wondering if there was anything you could have done to save this marriage. You cannot understand why you sink deeper and deeper into this vicious circle inside your mind, instead of rising above it. They say that time heals, but it doesn’t seem like it’s happening to you. Time cannot heal, unless you want it to.
Healing from divorce is just as difficult for men as it is for women, maybe even more difficult. The reason for this is that women express their emotions, but for men it is not so easy. They repress their feelings. They struggle to fulfill the role that society imposes on them and this always goes wrong. The pain inside her accumulates and multiplies to the point of becoming unbearable.
1. Express yourself
This is the most important thing to do during and long after the divorce. The phrase “men don’t cry” couldn’t be far from the truth. Men cry, but they do it alone. Don’t fight back tears in the company of a dear friend.
2. Communicate
Talk about it for hours with your friends and family, if you feel the need to.
3. Avoid mutual contacts by all means
Anything he says will probably be transferred in a distorted version to his ex-wife and vice versa. This creates an endless circle of gossip, which completely destroys the chances of a man to recover after divorce.
If contact with mutual friends and family is unavoidable, ask them not to talk to you about it.
4. Get it out of your system
A day will come, when you will finally be sick and tired of mourning. Gather all photos, letters, and any other reminders and keep them in a safe place out of sight. Stop going to places you went together. If you are the one who has kept the house, move to a new house or even a new area.
5. Avoid rebound relationships
Most of the time, these relationships don’t work out. They slow down a man’s healing process after divorce and end up hurting more people.
6. Take a solo trip
Take a trip on your own to somewhere remote and peaceful with warm weather and calm waters for swimming. It will help you relax, realize the beauty that still exists around you, and give you the opportunity for introspection. All the pain you’ve been through will be in vain, if you don’t learn from it.