Questioning yourself to achieve successful habit changes

Being a professional in the field of goal setting, I find it fascinating to witness some of the machinations we will go through to achieve our goals.

There are countless apps designed to help one achieve goals, ranging from diet and exercise, to becoming more organized, or simply boosting one’s mood. For those less inclined to make changes via an app, I’ve heard of some who write in a journal, use to-do lists, or even pray and meditate on their desired results. Of course, hiring a trainer also helps. (Hint Hint…)

I am not judging any technique. If you’re dedicated to your goals and willing to get the job done, however you choose, you’ll be more empowered, especially in this ever-stressful world we find ourselves in. That being said, if you personally felt stuck and would like to make some changes; Whether it’s health, financial, or emotional, this four-question process is ridiculously easy to use and surprisingly effective.

Question #1: Suppose I was successful; How can I know?

It seems silly to start here, but the reality is that many times we do not reach our goals because we have never clearly defined the result. We say “I want to feel better” or “I want to be fitter.” Although those are lofty intentions, they are not concrete enough to bring us to a full stop. Sure, they can help us get started, but often we stop because we don’t know when we’ve arrived and the journey feels endless and overwhelming.

It is more effective to set a goal like “I will walk 30 minutes three times a week”; or “I will take time each day to write down five things I am grateful for.”

Being able to identify a clear change in behavior is essential to achieving goals.

Question #2: What has to happen for that goal to happen?

Obviously, if we were doing what we had to do, we would already be where we want to be. Since we are not “there” yet, something has to adjust. To do this, we basically have four options: start a new behavior; stop an existing behavior; make more of an existing behavior; or do less of an existing behavior.

So behavior changes could be, “put a 30-minute activity appointment on my calendar on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday”; or “set aside 10 minutes each morning to record those things for which I am grateful.”

The trick here is not to outline a complete series of changes, but to define a simple and effective adjustment that you can make moving forward.

Question #3: Can I do that?

If you are not in full control of what changes behavior, success is left up to fate.

For example, if, in question #2, you said, “Find a walking partner”; that leaves you stuck until you find someone who shares your goal. Even if you find a walking partner, what if you get sick or decide you don’t want to continue your joint regimen? You are back to the starting point.

It doesn’t mean you can’t bring others on your journey, but the path must be structured to move forward regardless of whether someone else helps or hinders you.

By the way, if the answer to question #3 is not “Yes”, that means your goal in question #1 isn’t right for you. Make it smaller or rework it.

Question #4: Will I do that?

This requires brutal honesty with yourself. Sure, you can technically do that, but will you? Answers like “As soon as…” or “When the weather changes…” or “I’ll try…” are just fancier ways of saying “No.” There is no judgment in “No”, but it does highlight a truth; that truth is, “I’m not going to do it.”

Commit to doing it or go back to Question #1 and start over.

Repeat these four questions until you can get to the end. Most of the time, you’ll have to go through this process multiple times, each time lowering your target, until everything clicks. Once that happens, the last bonus question appears:

Additional special question: When?

You’ve outlined your goal, you’ve determined what you need to do, you’ve realized that it’s really in your control, and you’ve committed to doing it. The next step is to set a deadline. By the way, “as soon as possible” is not a deadline, since everything else will have higher priority.

No deadlines, no urgency. Without urgency, there is virtually no chance of it moving forward.