How a woman can interest a man in having sex
In the early days of a relationship, a couple can explore different approaches to pleasure. Given the sexual passivity of women, it is usually the man who takes the sexual initiative. A man is motivated to explore a lover’s body because he gets turned on by doing so. A woman is not. Men generally try different approaches to sexual pleasure within the limits set by a woman’s objections. Over time, instead of this random and silent approach, a couple may want to invest in more open communication about their sex life. A woman might suggest, outside of the bedroom, activities she would like to try or how she would like to be stimulated by a lover. Women should be more proactive with a lover. If a woman has read erotic literature or watched pornographic movies, she can identify with the role of giving pleasure.
Looking good is much less important to many straight men. Your main concern in a sexual relationship is your ability to enjoy your erection. But a woman approaches sex with a focus on her whole body. She assumes that a man can appreciate his skin, his breasts and his genitals. You feel visible to some degree and that your attractiveness is a vital part of a couple’s sex life. So if you’re feeling out of shape, you may be less willing to offer sex.
A woman accepts intercourse because of the inherent authority that comes with men’s sex drive. The male sex drive provides some security about a man’s commitment. Women don’t need men to act, but they expect it. A woman worries (if a man no longer loves her) because she loves another. In romantic fiction, a woman is carried away by a man’s sexual passion. A man makes love to a woman to show her his sexual admiration. So, for example, a man does not make love to a prostitute. We never talk about a woman making love to a man. Men want sex, not lovemaking.
Some men may be satisfied with the sexual services of a prostitute. Women do not use male prostitutes in the same way because they want sex within an emotionally meaningful relationship, usually with a loving partner. A woman can feel loved because a man needs her sexually. Many men also do not want to have sex with a stranger. But a man can enjoy his arousal and orgasm without the need for a relationship. Women participate in casual sex out of ego, but they don’t get the physical gratification as men do.
Humans have much more sex than is necessary for reproduction. So even men are not motivated by a purely biological drive. Our minds are awakened by the opportunity to have sex with different sexual partners or in different settings. Few men would walk away from a relationship in which they have regular and varied sex with an enthusiastic and adventurous partner. Men seek a variety of partners because they get bored of marital sex.
Older women may complain that their husbands no longer want to make love to them. Sex is a demonstration of a man’s love and sexual admiration for a woman. A woman may miss sex, but this has nothing to do with orgasm. If he wanted an orgasm, he could masturbate. The person who is more sexually motivated should make the effort. Instead of complaining about what her partner is not doing, a woman should offer to please him.
Some women are much more proactive as lovers than others. This is related to personality, culture and how much a woman identifies with women in erotic fiction. Men like to assume that a woman is proactive because she is aroused herself. This fantasy assures the man that a woman will be willing to have regular sex. Women who invest in their sex lives do so by making a conscious effort to please their lover (just as prostitutes do).
Sex is like a conversation and nobody likes to talk to themselves. A man appreciates a lover who occasionally takes the sexual initiative. He also appreciates a lover who gives him permission to explore his body. A woman can enjoy this scenario because she abdicates any need for effort. She can just stand there and enjoy the feeling of being stimulated by a lover even if the feelings do not culminate in a climax.
If men only wanted an orgasm, they could masturbate. Men enjoy penetrating and ejaculating on a lover’s body. Men like having the lights on, using mirrors, and a lover who is provocative. Male arousals are crude, graphic, and obvious. They enjoy a woman who makes them sexual invitations like spreading their legs or spreading their buttocks.
Women assume that men are automatically turned on. Men need specific erotic stimuli such as female genitalia or sexual activity. A woman can buy sexy nightwear or pornographic videos to watch naked together. A woman needs to project her appreciation for her lover. You can make encouraging comments about her excitement at the prospect of being penetrated by him. Sometimes a woman needs to proactively pleasure herself.
The most common reason men gave for having sex outside of their marriage was sexual rejection by their wives or the boring nature of having repeated sex with the same person in marriage. (Shere Hite 1993)