Choosing a partner or escaping from the relationship: the difference makes you happy or torments you
Often in a relationship it happens that at least one of the partners is No true to himself This happens for a variety of reasons:
HEY, for example, you want to separate but you are afraid of being alone; wants to confess to an affair but is afraid of the results; he feels more responsibility with her older children than with her new partner, but he doesn’t have the courage to confess it to her; and so on and so on.
She, on the other hand, hates the way he makes love to her, but isn’t assertive enough to bring it up; she is tired of asking him to help her with her chores, but she doesn’t want to confront him for fear that he will feel that she doesn’t consider him “a man”; she is frustrated that he doesn’t invite her to restaurants as often as she would have liked, but she is hesitant to bring up the subject of her, fearing he will be mad at her, and so on.
Two people in a relationship, neither of them true to themselves.
So here are two people, in a relationship, neither of whom are true to themselves, neither of whom have the courage to raise issues with the partner. As a result, being dissatisfied with the partner and with the relationship, both behave passive-aggressively towards each other.
“Well, at least I’m not alone,” each of them is silently thinking.
“Well, at least I don’t make waves,” each of them soothes.
“Well, who said that a relationship should be perfect?” everyone wonders, “is there such a thing as a perfect relationship?” they comfort themselves, each separately, but somehow together.
What makes them stay together?
So what makes them stay together is their silent and shared “agreement” that their relationship isn’t a good one, but…
It could well be that, according to your own standards, belief system, and “shared” view of couples and relationships, what you experience in your relationship is simply “normal”; “That’s always the way things are in a relationship.”
Do you feel that you sacrifice a lot for No being true to themselves – and to their partner? Maybe not: they probably don’t know better. After all, both of you could have experienced failed relationships in the past; both of you may have separated or divorced (maybe even more than once); Both of you may have never allowed yourself to open up to your partner and communicate openly and honestly.
As much as they may be alike in their behavior, that doesn’t mean they have much in common or that they are soul mates. The opposite could be true: they are not “relationship savants” or soul mates. What they are are just two people in need of love who became attached as a result of the fears and needs that control them and drive them to stay together; behave as they do; to cling to each other, feeling really happy but then, “you can’t expect everything from a couple and a relationship,” they say to themselves, quietly, each in their own head, over and over again.
The difference between picking out a couple and a relationship or escape in them
All it tells us is simple: when you approach a relationship not with the intention of gaining something significant in your life, but in order to escape something – whether it’s escaping from loneliness, from feeling worthless, from being disillusioned with life and looking for something to “fill the void” – when you’re looking for a partner and approaching relationships with that attitude, you’re pretty sure you’ll find it. you will achieve end – in any case – in a relationship in which you not being faithful to yourself or your partner.
The fun part of all this (or should we say: the sad part) is that often you yourself may not even be aware of the fact that you are No TRUE; that you have entered the relationship based on your need to escape, driven by fears, feeling inadequate to face life, impatient to take the time to find a compatible partner, but rather willing to “jump” with whoever seeks your company.
When the initial “love” ends up causing you to feel tormented, but you stay…
In fact, upon initially meeting your partner and going on dates, you may feel “in love”; you may be “attracted” to the person; you can feel loved and desired. But these, unfortunately, may only be short-term feelings, and sooner or later, when the two of you get into a “serious” relationship and maybe even move in together, you may soon realize that the “magic” is over. has vanished (if there was one to begin with), and that all your dreams of fantastic intimacy went down the drain, and all that was left was… well, someone to escape your fear of loneliness with, your fear of abandonment, someone with whom you try to fill the void of love, need, self-esteem…
Ignore, deny, ignore reality.
Does refusing to be aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors allow you to prolong the relationship until “death do you part”?
Ignore the fact that you are No Does being true to yourself and your partner make you feel more “at peace” within the relationship?
Do you repeatedly deny the warning signs that this partner and relationship are No to allow you to feel more “at home” with your partner?
Hard to say. This is your mind his denials, and his relationship.
However, even people who are unconscious they can’t fool themselves (and their partner) all the time; You cannot continually pretend that “everything is fine”; cannot repeatedly invent a thousand and one excuses to justify staying with a partner who is No for them and in a relationship that does not bring them happiness.
The heart knows what the mind refuses to acknowledge
There is a proverb: “The heart knows what the mind refuses to acknowledge.”
Their hearts too.
But they stay. Without fear; and need; and feelings of worthlessness.
You might think to yourself: if only they had developed consciousness; if only they had realized their fears and needs; if only they had had the courage to seek the right therapy, receive the relevant advice; take the initiative to make a positive change in their perception of themselves, partners and relationships.
If only. This is the reverse: IF ONLY…