Avoiding Danger: Empowering Girls to Be Safe

There are many things that we as parents can do to help our daughters feel and be safe. Don’t wait until they are teenagers to start teaching them (although it’s never too late to start).

1. From a young age, teach them the power of intuition.

Remember, we trust a lot more people than we don’t, so if your daughter is uncomfortable around someone, that’s significant. We must teach our daughters to honor her gut instinct that says something is not right. This takes practice. On outings, ask her daughter to tell you how she reacted to someone they just met. Make her aware of her first knee-jerk reaction: was it confidence, shyness, dislike?

2. Girls should be taught to react at the first signals, as this is when most predators can be driven away.

Teach your daughter to beware of strangers who try to be charming, offer unsolicited help and promises, and especially ignore your daughter’s refusal to help. This is the most universally significant danger signal, as it is a sign that the predator is trying to control it. Teach her daughter that it’s okay to be blunt and even rude in this situation. Explain to her that you (and any truly innocent adult) would understand her rudeness if she turns out to be wrong. If girls don’t make the mistake of waiting for clear signals, then they can beat most predators.

3. Teach your daughter how to clearly communicate that she is not a target.

This includes staring, staring, turning away immediately, and raising your voice. Most predators will get the message and look for an easier target.

4. Teach your daughter to do the opposite of what she is told, as that is what the bully most fears your daughter will do.

If they say ‘don’t yell’, train your daughter to do exactly that!

5. Teach your teen about PC, meaning privacy and control.

Sexual predators are not dangerous to your daughter if they do not have privacy and control. Therefore, if her daughter learns to recognize CP situations early, she can take steps to change the situation before she becomes dangerous. For example, if a girl realizes that her driving instructor’s instructions take her out of populated areas, she can clearly say “I want to stay in familiar areas.” This clearly tells the predator that she will not be easy to control and in most cases the predator will abandon her plan. (Gavin DeBecker, Keeping the Gift Safe)

6. Sign your daughter up for martial arts or self defense classes.

This is important because most people’s reaction when confronted with a loud, aggressive person in their face is to freeze. His mind goes blank, giving the attacker time to get in close and take control. Martial arts will teach your daughter to react automatically in crises. Those precious first few minutes often make all the difference in an attack, as most attackers will fold before a serious defence. If you can’t afford the classes, you can make a game of surprise your daughter at home and practice quick responses.

7. Teach your daughter to exhale in seizures.

Most people forget to breathe, which means their brain’s ability to think through seizures is gone. The exhalation forces the body to start breathing again.

8. Your daughter needs to practice being aware of her surroundings.

Predators look for victims who are going to be easy targets: those on their phones, staring at the ground, daydreaming, listening to music… Teach your daughter to always take note of who is around her and what is happening. If she notices someone approaching her, she can usually identify it with step 3.

9. Teach your daughter to never let herself go.

Your chance of escaping the situation is significantly reduced if you allow an attacker to move you to another location. When my girls ask ‘what do I do if they have a knife?’ I say “Fight. Yeah, you could stabilize and you could you die, but your chances of surviving are pretty good. However, if you let them take you, you lose control of whether you live or die.”

10. Show your girls a couple of nasty and painful maneuvers, like a punch to the nose, that will give them a few minutes to escape.

Practice practice practice.

Preparing your daughter to be safe does not mean making her afraid of the world. It means teaching her that there are techniques she needs to master in case she is ever attacked, the same way we teach our children how to deal with fire. This is what I tell my daughters. They roll their eyes at my pop quizzes and challenges, but I see a quiet self-confidence in the way they carry themselves that assures me they’re ready to go out into the world.