The 3 Ways Narcissistic and Controlling People Think

It is recommended that if you are in any way involved in a relationship (or any association) with a narcissistic person, you try, by any means, to get out of their control.

One of the reasons this is common advice is that once the victim realizes that they are involved with a narcissist, especially if it is an intimate relationship, they tend to think that they can “fix” the narcissist or “figure it out”.

This occurs because codependent relationships consist of the controller and the enabler, or dependent person. The controller does what he wants, when he wants, while the enabler supports him and lets it all happen. When something is wrong, it is up to the facilitator to fix it.

However, I think understanding controlling people from their point of view rather than ours will give you a better perspective on why they do what they do and what, if anything, can be done about it.

1. They do not have an empathic awareness towards other people, they do not recognize other human beings as themselves.

This was not his choice, it’s just his way of being.

They think of other people as clip art; clip art that they like to have around because it makes them feel good about themselves, and nothing else.

The best way to understand it is to think like a child. Narcissists are children; they see the world and everything in it with the eyes of a child. Egocentrism, self-absorption, and lack of concern for others dominate this worldview.

If something doesn’t follow their immediate emotional needs, it’s useless to them. They will acknowledge and tap into your emotions when it suits them, but that’s about it. They don’t understand your feelings and never will. Most of them can barely feign understanding.

2. They have constant fears that keep them at bay by controlling others, being a person their main

The theory is that the narcissist’s parents were also a codependent couple, with one being the primary abuser and the other the enabler. They are not allowed to express their bad feelings as children.

From an early age, they learn to suppress their anger and express it through passive-aggressive behavior. So being late for an appointment, not cleaning the house or any other activity was

The truth is that narcissists feel like they are not in control of their own lives. They control other people (you) in an attempt to feel more secure. The problem is that they never feel safe; it’s just a continuous cycle of abuse where they take their feelings of insecurity and doubt and pour it out on you.

They care about appearances. If something appears a certain way to other people, then it is. They worry about what people think of them, especially those they are most attached to.

3. They are not aware of any of this

Narcissists are trapped in their worlds; their needs never change, their ambitions never grow or materialize, and they are not even aware of their real problems and shortcomings. They only have needs that must always be met NOW.

So they can’t introspect, but they have bad feelings coming from all directions; that they are inadequate, that they cannot fend for themselves, that something will always go wrong. Then they find other human beings who will support them.

So you may be thinking: How can they ignore all this?

Denial. With every narcissist, always look at your relationship with your family, especially your parents. They always share some dysfunctional traits with a parent, and it’s usually pretty easy to figure out where the problems arose by looking at family dynamics.

Somewhere in your family you will find where the dysfunctional behaviors were born. Most of the time it will be from emotional abuse, denial of that abuse, suppression of anger and bad feelings, and lack of control of your own life.

As a result of not acknowledging their problems, they are also unable to change. This is something you have to accept if you are involved with a narcissistic person. They will claim or say anything to force you to do what they want, but they cannot acknowledge their own problems and therefore will never stop.

It also means that they never leave. A narcissist will never end a relationship with someone he uses frequently to make himself feel good. There may be threats of all kinds but always remember that all they do is an attempt to control another human being into doing what they want.

Thank you for reading!