My husband is only with me for our children: tips and advice that could help

I often hear from wives who tell me that their husband has told them outright or made it very clear that he is not fully involved in the marriage (or even in love with them) and is only still married for the children. While it is commendable for a father to be so committed to his children, it is painful for one spouse to tell or insinuate to another. And it leaves the wife on the receiving end of this message in an undesirable position.

If she wants more or thinks this arrangement is not acceptable, this certainly doesn’t mean that she loves or is less committed to the children, but all kinds of guilt and worry can come into play. The truth is that this arrangement is certainly not optimal for either party. Sure, kids live in a two-parent household, and experts agree that this is best for them. But the lack of affection and the forced commitment in that house will certainly not go unnoticed and this will affect them too.

In the following article, I will offer some ideas designed to help wives in this difficult situation. Everyone in the family deserves to be happy and feel valued. I hope this article will help you to get more of this.

Staying married for the children alone implies that your happiness and satisfaction do not matter and are not important to the well-being of your children: To be fair, I actually advocate trying to keep a two-parent household intact. I am the son of divorcees and I am sure that this loss has affected me in many ways. I remember the pain associated with my parents’ divorce and how it affected my sister’s life and mine in a negative way. So from a purely selfish point of view, I wish my parents had never gotten divorced. But I also didn’t enjoy the very emotionally charged atmosphere in our house. Looking back, what I really wanted was for my parents to find a way to be happy together.

What benefits children most is living in a two-parent home, where both parents are happy and loving to everyone who lives there. Isn’t this the kind of marriage you want for your children? Do you want them to think it’s okay if not everyone is happy? It is important for them to know that the realization is important and if it is not present, they are likely to feel that emptiness very deeply.

Many people respond to this point with something like, “Well, unfortunately, I don’t see any way to provide all of those things. At this point, it’s a choice between staying married for their sake or being happy apart from each other.” other. And we think it’s better for them if we stay married for now.”

I applaud these kinds of sacrifices, but it breaks my heart that one or both parents simply accept their misery in marriage as if it couldn’t be changed or as if they themselves weren’t worth the effort to change it. In short, they are putting themselves last and I don’t think it’s entirely necessary. I think a lot of people could dramatically improve their situation if they accepted that they deserve it, made a commitment to do it, and then followed up with some very specific actions.

It’s fine to stay married for the kids, but why not make the marriage happier so that you’re considering everyone’s well-being and happiness: Few people would argue with me when I point out that the best possible scenario for children is a home with two loving parents who also love each other. But many people doubt that they can really have this. I often hear comments like “Our marriage is too far apart. We don’t fight in front of the kids. But we don’t love each other either. I’ve learned to live with that and I don’t think the kids know that.” what’s going on”.

I would say that, with both people getting engaged, marriage might not be as far away as one would think. I also suspect that while children may not fully understand their parents’ emotions for each other, they will most likely feel and internalize (and possibly act out) them when they have families of their own.

Sometimes people understand and accept what I say, but they just don’t know where to start. Your marriage has stagnated and is following the same predictable pattern, so how do you go about changing this? Sometimes, you have to be brave who takes the initiative. The next time your spouse makes a comment about being together just for the kids (or hints at this by your actions), tell them that living this way doesn’t make either of you truly happy, and since you’re both committed to being together, it only makes sense to make the most of it and try to be happy together.

A suggestion would be something like: “I know you’re still married just for the kids. You made that very clear and it hurts me. We both deserve a marriage that makes us happy. I want it for both of us. Since we know neither of us will go nowhere can we work together to make things better for both of us can we create the marriage that we would like our children to have when they grow up it means we will have to make some changes and do some more work but I am willing to do this if you are.”

Now, your husband may not immediately fall into your arms and promise to change the marriage, but he will listen to what you say. And, in the days and weeks to come, you can show him that you mean what you say through your actions. And very slowly and gradually, you may start to see some changes in your behavior.

Usually one person will start the process and the other will eventually start to align, even if they are not fully aware of this. Once they start getting some positive benefits, they’ll probably want to continue, as people move toward what makes them feel positive and away from what makes them feel negative.