admin Posted on 7:35 am

Is my spouse attacking me during the separation? I’m afraid of being disappointed

When you are separated and desperately want to reconcile, you want hope whenever you see encouraging behavior from your spouse. So whenever he calls or sees you and things are going well, it’s natural to expect this to mean that you are on your way to reconciliation. But often, your hopes and feelings are so delicate that as soon as there is a comment or event that you don’t understand or that doesn’t go right, you can start to wonder if you are seeing reality only through the veil. of hope. And this is when you can start to fear that you are being chained.

A wife might explain: “I did everything wrong at the beginning of my separation. I called several times a day and picked fights. It wasn’t until my husband threatened to cut me out of his life completely that I stopped doing it. Five weeks, things have improved. enormously. He has started to come regularly. We watch movies, hug and laugh. Last weekend, he asked me if I wanted to sleep over at his house, but unfortunately I couldn’t say yes because I live quite a distance from him and I don’t there was no one to let my pets out. They couldn’t get through the night without being allowed to go to the bathroom, so I had to leave late at night for that reason. Lately, though, I’ve been asking my husband to come to our home for the night or a weekend. His answer is that he’s not ready for that. This confuses me. It’s okay for me to stay the night with him, but won’t he come home to spend the night with me? see that I stay at your house while I do We hang out together while he sees I’m Coming Home as potentially reconciler. I can only speculate that he is not ready to make that leap. But this hurts and confuses me. Sometimes it talks about our future. He has asked me to take a family trip with his parents and that gives me hope. But then I start to guess everything and wonder if she only asked because she knows her mother loves me and she just wants to keep up appearances. And that’s when I start to wonder if he’s just cheating on me. He may like to have me around to have a good time and help boost his ego, but he has no intention of reconciling with me. What if it’s just guiding me? “

I can understand why you are afraid of this. I think all wives in this situation have these doubts. I had them. But you have to ask yourself if these thoughts are serving you or if they are just making things worse.

Why you should focus on progress instead of the immediate future: Think of it this way. If you follow that train of thought and decide that he is just guiding you, then you might be tempted to start putting pressure on him, or you could walk away from the fear of being hurt. Will any of these things bring you closer to your reconciliation goal? Probably not. In fact, they will probably take you further away from your goal.

But what if you faced your fears and instead looked at how far you’ve come and how much progress you’ve made? You have gone from being frustrated and angry with you to being very willing to see you for long periods of time while talking about the future.

I don’t want to be insensitive, but many separated wives would be absolutely delighted by this scenario. Also, you have already set it up where you have additional opportunities to link in the future. You have the family trip to look forward to, in which, hopefully, you will be able to progress even further.

Why it is vital not to let your fears make you rush: The point I’m trying to make is that unless he says he’d like to go home right away, his situation is as good as it could be. You have exceeded their reservations. You are seeing it regularly and have plans for the future. And he shows you affection on a regular basis.

Now, I know that you would like to feel more secure about your situation. I know you would like me to give you more security. But honestly, for me, the best course of action would be to keep doing what you’re doing. And continue to be patient.

I know from experience that I am asking a lot. Once my husband started giving me positive feedback and our relationship started to heat up again, I had to do everything in my power to not turn out well and beg him to come home. But he knew this was a risk. And considering how long it took me to get to where I was, it was a risk I didn’t want to take.

I know it may be hard to see right now, but it looks like you’ve found your grove and are making real progress. My suggestion would be to stay the course. I see too many people doing the right things, but then they can’t resist putting pressure on their husbands once they make that progress. And most of them end up regretting this because they either start avoiding them or accuse them of not giving them their space.

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