How to stop losing patience with your kids and have better anger management as a parent
As a parent, you may face everyday situations where you feel frustrated with your child. While these challenges may be more common with your teenager, they can also occur with your own adult child who may or may not have children of his own. How can you ensure that such situations do not cause you to scream and lose your temper?
The first step is to manage your expectations during the meeting with your child. Almost everyone has expectations of what they want for themselves and those around them. This includes parents who have expectations of their children or children of their parents or friends of their friends. A few years ago, a friend of mine was upset that his son had refused to invite him to his grandson’s birthday party. Her first instinct was to call him and scold him on the phone, but she decided to say nothing and carry on like it was no big deal. He told me that he had high blood pressure and that losing his temper and getting angry would increase his chances of having a stroke or heart attack. How would you have reacted in a similar situation?
Sometimes the best reaction when dealing with conflicts and disagreements is to simply say nothing, even when you have a lot to say. This is part of what I call strategic engagement. You need to remember that while expectations are good to have, they can also cause stress or unhappiness if not handled properly. You can end up unloading the resulting stress on yourself and others.
It’s important not to let your expectations get out of hand when it comes to negative interactions. You need to be careful when dealing with your children, because their perspective or point of view may be completely different from yours. Another approach to the idea of managing expectations when dealing with others may be to lower them and make them more realistic. By turning your expectations into achievable goals, you can help avoid conflict. This can generate friction and criticism.
If you’re not careful, how you handle criticism and misunderstandings in the family can lead to yelling. To reduce this, you must learn not to accept personal criticism. Daily criticism is some of the most difficult obstacles you have to overcome every day because it hurts your feelings and causes significant doubts and emotional upheavals that disrupt your sense of identity and stress you out. Refuse to take every criticism or disagreement with others as a personal attack on your integrity, productivity, or reliability. Remember that criticism simply reflects someone else’s perspective and your own ego protection.
Sometimes when dealing with your children, you may run into the problem that everything is great or everything is terrible. The key to staying happy or unflappable during such interactions is to remember that you cannot control how others will behave towards you, but you can control how you would react to their behavior. One way to do this is to lower your expectations when dealing with others. Don’t expect a negative person to have a positive attitude or a grumpy person to be friendly and welcoming to you. This is true even if that person is your child.
You can improve anger management during your interactions with your children and others by making moment-by-moment adjustments. Once you learn to do this consistently, you will feel less stressed and happy, even during the most challenging interactions with your children and others. This is part of the self-control process. Remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. I hope these few tips that I have shared with you will help you on your own journey of self-mastery, personal transformation, optimal health, and consistent success.