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For true love, choose a beta man

Last week we had a variety of family and friends who had not previously met. The 20-year-old girls started talking about their favorite friends, referring to these guys using such affectionate nicknames as Precious Delight, Pure Sweetness, and Totally Dorbs (for adorable). A 28-year-old boy who overheard this conversation declared that he would drop dead if he thought any woman was describing it as a precious delicacy. He insisted that women want the Alpha male, the superhero, the dominant and strong leader of the pack. In his opinion, these silly girls were describing sissies, weak and effeminate losers. But what was missed was the fact that the girls were laughing and pining for Betas. Those loving, demonstrative, talkative, laid back, kind and personable guys.

When I was in college, there was a boy whose nickname was Trog, short for Trogladyte. One Halloween he dressed up as a caveman, and it was the most appropriate outfit I ever saw him wear. I thought it was gross, but I guess there was something on it, if you fantasize about being dragged by your hair and raped near the campfire. (Actually, that sounds appealing.) But that was in the late ’70s and Alpha males were out of date. The counterculture 60s had glorified what I called the Sensitive Ponytail Man, that is, the Beta man. I dreamed of poets and singer-songwriters, not athletes. Of course, the pendulum always swings back, and eventually those guys grew up, went to graduate school, got a haircut, and joined the Establishment. Their children aspired to Alpha status.

When it comes to flirting, Alpha, Beta, and even Omega males are trying to get something done. They are competing with each other to show who is the biggest stallion. But they should pay more attention. The girls are getting restless and something is moving in the status quo. Beta males, those sweet and sincere boys who speak the female language, emerge as heroes in popular culture. Girls want boyfriends who have a bit of a woman emotionally. They want boyfriends who are best friends. And women have the power to elevate Beta’s position in life by making it the new romantic ideal.

Jim Halpert, played by Perfectly Dorbs John Krasinski in The Office, is the best living example of the Perfect Beta. Sigh. (He actually grew up in the neighboring town, and I’ve seen him attend mass with his parents when he’s been home visiting. He’s so gorgeous.) Jim Halpert isn’t incredibly handsome, but his appeal comes from the pure and unadulterated. . the love he feels (and shows) for Pam. You just know she loves hours and hours of pillow talk (which, of course, follows hours of putting Pam’s sexual satisfaction first).

Seth Rogan doesn’t do it for me personally, but he has shown that he is capable of convincingly portraying the lead. Before watching Knocked Up, you can’t imagine how Katherine Heigl’s character would go for it. And when you leave the theater, you are not buying it. But during the movie you suspend disbelief. He does not have his acts together, but he has a good heart. The raw material is there. Ultimately, he becomes a better man thanks to his love for a woman. That is a boy that women can hug.

My own personal crush right now is the Free Credit Report guy. He’s so kind, so modest, so funny. Okay, maybe I don’t want my daughter to marry him, with his lousy credit rating and all that. But I bet he would make a good boyfriend. And in the midst of all this connection, awkwardness, and shitty treatment from the Alphas, doesn’t a visit to Beta territory sound refreshing? Perfectly wonderful.

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